I haven’t always been the most sanctified person. I’m still not the most sanctified person. What I am however is a woman who grace, and mercy follows (Psalms 23:6). My walk with the Lord started when I was 19 years old, and throughout the time from then to now I have found myself wanting to get serious about my walk one moment, then backsliding the next. I am not what some people would call “churched.” I was not raised in the church but did attend church from time to time with my mother growing up.
I recall once being in church with my mom, and she was sweating and crying running around the church. I was no more than 10 yrs. old. Another kid nearby asked, “Is that your mom?” in which I responded “Yes.” I wasn’t embarrassed by how she was acting. I just didn’t know why she was running around crying. What I did know was that she wasn’t sad or hurt.
A few years after I confessed Jesus as my Lord and Savior I got to a place where I was self-righteous. I would judge people harshly whether they were Believers or non-believers. It would often make me sick when I heard other Believers talking about people or falling short of what I thought a good Christian was. I remember when I mentioned that I didn’t want to have children unless I was married. Unlike most of the women in the church I attended, I would do it right. I also wouldn’t have kids by more than one man. As I said this to another member, she said, “Triana, everyone wants that. Doesn’t mean they’ll have it.” I disregarded her statement quick. I knew better, and I intended to do better.
I also recall an instance where a friend who initially introduced me to Christ when I was 19 yrs. old confessed that she was having sex with her boyfriend. Being the woman of God I was, I went off on her. Telling her how wrong she was. Scolding her for her immoral actions. Her response, “Watch it’ll happen to you.” Like before, I knew better, and I intended to do better. Now I’m a single mom who desires more kids. Not only did I fall into the same sexual sin as my friend I will have children by 2 different men. I wish at that time I knew how to denounce what people spoke over my life but I didn’t.
Here I am in my walk, not even a year, and I feel on fire for the Lord. Learning every day about who I am and who I’m not. When I hear other Believers talking about people or behaving in ways that are not Christ-like, I pray for them, correct them if led and recognize that I myself have not arrived. I’m not making an excuse for their behavior as the WORD says, God hates sin (Psalms 5:4). What I am saying is that God loves you, God loves me; no matter what I do or say (Romans 8:38-39). As His daughter I love Him enough to obey Him, seek Him, spend time with Him, surrender to Him, praise and worship Him, do right by Him. “I can’t say I love God but love the very thing He hates (Arthur Breland, 2019).”
I don’t care if a person is saved for 1 day or 60 years; God can powerfully move in our lives. I no longer discount those who are new to their faith. Believing that a person has more worth based on how long they’ve been in the faith. As an “unchurched” Believer there are things that I miss when it comes to how traditions are within the church. When I walk into a sanctuary I’m not looking at the paint job, pews, the number of members of the congregation. Instead I’m desiring to experience corporate worship & praise. To experience the hearts of the members who like David are after God’s heart (Acts 13:22). I’m eagerly awaiting to hear the true word of God being taught and if there is a children’s ministry (I am a mommy after all). I don’t wait for God to show up there because He’s with me everywhere I go.
Some people get caught up in the religion and tradition of Christianity and forget the one in who we are to follow. Jesus did not come for those who are well. Jesus came for those who are sick (Luke 5:31). Now that I am covered in the blood am I really to act superior to all those around me? Should I place myself on high as if I’ve arrived? Am I to pretend as if everything I’ve ever gone through didn’t happen? Should I look down on people who don’t know my Heavenly Father the way I do? No! I am a sinner who is saved by Jesus Christ who died for my sins and rose on the third day conquering the grave. I am a woman who is picking up her cross and #DyingDaily to how I was taught to believe outside of Biblical teaching. I am a daughter who desires to see people not as I want to but as the Lord allows me too. I am a child of God who corrects and challenges out of love. I am the one out of the 99 who ran away but was called back and filled with the Holy Spirit. I am an Overcomer because He is an Overcomer and I am in Him.