Laying my flesh to rest

Take the Wheel

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I’ve always felt as if I had some sort of control over my life once I became an adult. If I lacked in finances, it was up to me to work harder or look for alternatives to fill that lack. If I fell ill, it was up to me to eat healthier and go to the doctor to become better. If I was depressed it was up to me to open the blinds, counsel myself into looking at the bright side of things to try to pull myself up. It was my responsibility and I rarely ever reached out for help. I never wanted to be a burden to others, and I knew most things I went through were phases. I just needed to give myself enough time to get through it.

It’s as if once I surrendered my life over to the Lord, I found myself not in control. When I’m having a hard time with something, I’ll say, “Jesus take the wheel!” I’ve honestly been saying this even before I became serious about my walk. Now, it’s as if He has. I find myself trying to grab the wheel in fear I’m going down a path I’m not ready for or afraid of. Then I realize who’s driving. My Lord & Savior, the Son of the Most High, who was there in the beginning and will be there in the end. He has the perfect navigation system because He was there in the very blueprint of the creation of the roads. Doesn’t make it any easier to sit there and watch Him navigate. As sometimes I feel as if I’m blindfolded. I may hear things, or an image may show but ultimately my vision is still impaired, and I must trust without always seeing, smelling, hearing or feeling what God is doing.

Recently, I left a company I had been at for 12 years. I didn’t leave because I hated the company, felt underappreciated or wasn’t on the radar for career progression. I left for one reason and one reason only. The Lord called me to leave. Now, this isn’t something that everyone will understand. Shoot, I barely understood it. What I did understand was the importance of being obedient to the Lord’s will. Jeremiah 7:23 says “Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people. And walk in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.”

As I sat for weeks without a job I had my resume updated, a cover letter created, I signed up for every job board site I knew. Monster, Snagajob, ZipRecruiter you name it. All in hopes that the perfect job would come my way. After all, I was told in leaving my job I would get promoted and moved into a new season of my life. However, week after week I found myself looking at job posts that I felt I was overqualified, underqualified or not interested in. I felt discouraged. Sometimes wondering what I had done. Except one thing I never questioned was whether God wanted me to leave my previous company. I know without a shadow of a doubt He did. I just didn’t know what job for exactly. During the corporate fast at my church, God began to deal with me on some things in my heart. The first was not surrendering over my finances. The second, letting go of a friendship that no longer fell into biblical teaching. Third, my ability to sound believable to others but not believe what I was saying in my own heart and fourth my need to have everything figured out and be in control. All four were revelations for me, but the last broke me. I was hurt. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 16:9 “Man’s heart plans His ways, but the Lord directs His steps.” Yet, although it is my favorite, I wasn’t falling into its promise. I knew that I had planning my ways down, but when it came to Him directing my steps, I didn’t fully surrender.

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When you have control of a situation, you feel as if you can navigate the twists and turns that come your way. Even if you get hurt in the situation, you can at times determine how much you’ll get hurt. If I control a relationship with someone I’m dating, and see it’s not going well, I can pull away first. If something on my job isn’t going well, I can post for another position or leave the company altogether. If I see my child being treated a certain way by his peers I can step in and correct them. In doing these things, I’m not giving my relationship a chance to have two deciding participants; only one. At my job, I’m not trusting that God will move on the hearts of my co-workers or that a promotion could be in the midst. My son won’t learn how to fight his own battles because I’m being a helicopter mom.

Losing control of what you have control of, is scary. Except when you lose control to the very one who has everything in His control. Our Heavenly Father. Job 12:10 says, “In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.” #DyingDaily doesn’t always happen overnight. There are times when God must chip away at what you know to reveal how things are. In recognizing this truth, you can grow. I’m learning daily to surrender my control in giving Him full control. Although I still find myself wanting to grab for the wheel. I know that if I ever indeed get a hold of it, I’d end up going in circles as before maybe even crashing. God promises in Romans 8:28 “All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” So why would I want to get in the way of that? Instead, I’ll sit back and be watchful as the greatest navigator brings me to the very destination He already has planned for me.

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